


Gone Too Long

by Allamarain



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Future Fic, Gen, Minor Violence, PTSD, Yaz goes through Hell
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-16
Updated: 2020-02-16
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:35:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22759369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Allamarain/pseuds/Allamarain
Summary: When Ryan and Graham stopped traveling with the Doctor, Yaz stayed on. The Doctor was her whole world, and she had no intention of stopping. Until everything went wrong.Now, seven years after leaving the TARDIS for the last time, she is  broken, alone, and in a dead-end job.  And she expects to stay that way until  a chance encounter leads to her seeing Ryan again.
Relationships: Yasmin Khan & Ryan Sinclair
Comments: 7
Kudos: 36





	Gone Too Long

**Author's Note:**

> This work was written for the prompt: "Future fic, Yaz and Ryan catch up and reminisce about the Team TARDIS days." as part of [Friends will be friends-a multifandom friendship fic (and art) fest 8.0](https://ruuger.dreamwidth.org/1070567.html)
> 
> References events from _Doctor Who: At Childhood's End_. Spoilers for up to S12E4.

Yaz groaned as her phone chirped, signaling it was time to get up. 7am was too early. A stray sunbeam peeked through the tiny window of her bedsit, casting light on the mess of ramen packaging and dirty socks. She laid still, too weary to move. If she skipped washing her hair, she could have an extra few minutes to lie in bed. Of course, she’d told herself that the day before too. 

She scrolled through her social media feed more out of habit than anything. She hadn’t so much as made a post in months. She caught a picture of some of her cousins on holiday, surrounded by majestic mountains. She thought bitterly of her own adventures, the life she’d had before this neverending circle of home, work, food and sleep. Before her life had been shattered, she thought she’d been meant for something more than being an overworked retailer. Even before the Doctor, she thought she’d been destined for something greater. She shouldn’t have been so surprised she was wrong. 

Her phone rang, startling her, and Sonya’s name popped up on the screen. Why was she calling so early? Were they on speaking terms again? The last shouting match among the family had been intense, leaving Yaz storming out, tears trailing down her cheeks. She was tempted to press mute, but there was the off chance this was important.

Sonya got right to the point. “Guess who I ran into?”

“Huh?” she croaked, still half asleep.

“Ryan!”

Yaz’s mouth went dry as her heart sank. Ryan. She didn’t want to hear about a reminder of a life slipped away from her.

“Ryan Sinclair? Don’t you remember him? Went to the pub last night with the girls and there he was!” she exclaimed, her usual bubbly self.

She strained to keep her voice even. “How’s he doing?”

“Good. Working for Elcond, the big robotics company? Does repairs. Did you know he got married?”

“I didn’t.” She hadn’t spoken to Ryan, not since she’d come back to Earth for good. 

“Invited him round for dinner tonight, to catch up. You should come,” Sonya chirped.

“I don’t know.” Yaz sounded listless as she stared at the dingy, bare wall across from her. “Maybe another time.”

“It’d be good for you, Yaz. Get you out of your room. Have you been doing anything with yourself lately?”

“Just been tired, that’s all. Work is exhausting.” A (supposedly) fully automated big box store did not mean the customers became any less demanding. The only thing she had energy for after her shifts was microwaved meals and TV. “Speaking of which, I should go. Don’t want to get written up again for being late.”

“What is it, Yaz? You two used to hang out together all the time. You didn’t have a thing with him, did you?” 

“No! Nothing like that. We just drifted apart, that’s all.”

“Come on,” Sonya urged. “I’ll give you that fifty quid you wanted.”

She perked up a little. As little as she wanted to be social, she had less desire to be chased down by her landlord for being short rent again. “Thought you weren’t lending me any more money.”

“’S more of an investment. Just say you’ll come.” She got the impression Sonya had invited Ryan strictly for her benefit. 

Yaz sighed again. She could go for an hour, exchange pleasantries, then go home. She was good at being all fake smiles and pleasant facades. Some days, that was all she was. If she really wasn’t feeling up to it, half an hour. That’s all she had to do. “All right. I’ll see you tonight.”

Clicking the phone off before Sonya could respond, she rose, weary in body as well as mind. She grabbed her dressing gown before heading down the hall to the tiny, shared bathroom. If she waited too long, there’d be no hot water left. 

—  
Yaz’s stomach churned with every stop of the bus on the way to Sonya’s flat. It wasn’t on Ryan they’d fallen out of touch. He and Graham had left the Doctor three years before she did. It was three years in Earth time, at least. Leaving was Ryan’s idea, and Graham had followed along. Ryan had grown weary of the traveling. He missed his friends back home. He wanted to spend time with his dad, repair the years of estrangement. Yaz had been disappointed. They were breaking up Team TARDIS, a family fractured in half. 

While she’d been traveling with the Doctor, she’d stopped in every so often on her visits home to chat with him. After she came back the last time, she’d stopped answering his texts. They’d come less and less often, until they’d completely stopped. She was grateful they’d moved while she’d been gone; she’d worried about running into them in the neighborhood.

She dragged her feet as she approached Sonya’s flat, her gaze affixed to the ground. Maybe she’d get lucky and Ryan wouldn’t show up. 

“Hey,” Sonya greeted her at the door. She’d long since stopped calling her loser; it hit too close to home. “We’re just about to eat.”

Ryan was already sitting at the dining area table. When he saw Yaz, his jaw slackened in astonishment. What had surprised him? The sunken, listless eyes? How thin she was? The premature lines around her eyes? It didn’t matter. He quickly recovered, standing up. He looked her over, unsure of what to do. “Hi Yaz,” he said softly. “How are you?”

“Fine, thanks,” As she shrugged out of her jacket, she plastered the best smile she could muster. She’d had plenty of practice. “And you?”

“Good. Really good.” He smiled, but there was concern in his eyes. “Been a long time, hasn’t it?”

They stood there, facing each other in awkward silence. Sonya busied herself setting the table while keeping a watchful eye on her sister. Normally, Yaz cherished quiet, but at the moment she felt like she’d break. “Sonya said you’re working for Elcond?”

“Yeah. Supervisor of onsite maintenance for all of Sheffield.”

Yaz nodded. “We have some of their robots at ASDA. Replaced most of the staff.” She was one of the few left, one of a handful willing to work long hours and low wages. She told herself she was lucky, considering how many people there were on benefits that kept getting cut. 

Ryan’s raised his eyebrows in astonishiment. “Security?”

“Customer happiness specialist.” She rolled her eyes. “Just three of us on a shift now. Robots do everything else. Or they’re supposed to.” 

“Just the way of the future, right? Robots replacing us.” Quickly glancing back at Sonya, who was bringing out a pot of chicken karahi, he looked like he wanted to say something else. She almost expected him to bring up Kerblam. Better days. 

Over dinner, Ryan and Sonya did most of the talking, mostly about football, the weather, politics. His wife’s name was Thea, she worked in marketing, and they lived in a semi-detached in Highfield. Yaz pushed her food around her plate, tuning out the humdrum of the conversation. She watched Ryan instead, a low, tight feeling in her stomach. He’d had grown out his hair a bit longer, looked less like a boy and more of a man, yet something in his manner retained his youthful earnestness. He’d gotten out at the right time, and she wasn’t sure if she was grateful or envious. 

When Sonya got up to clear the dishes, Yaz offered to help, but she insisted she’d sit. Grabbing a stack of plates, she went into the kitchen, door swinging behind her. She fiddled with her napkin, keeping her eyes fixed to the white tablecloth. 

“Graham asks about you sometimes,” Ryan said.

She perked up a little, surprising herself. “How is he?” 

“Bugging us to have kids.” Ryan rolled his eyes. “Thea and I decided not to. Not with the way the world is going. Other than that, he’s doing good. He’s back at the depot, as an instructor.” 

“Teaching bus drivers? At his age?” she was incredulous. He’d loved being a bus driver, but he must be in his seventies now.

He nodded. “It’s just part time, three days a week. Other days he’s at the pub, playing darts and shooting pool with his mates. He didn’t like sitting around at home, you know. After we came back.” 

“Right.” She fell silent again. 

Ryan glanced towards the door and dropped his voice. “Yaz, what happened to you?”

“Nothing.” she looked away, unable to make eye contact. 

“I didn’t even know you were alive until last night. You never returned my calls or texts. ”

She didn’t respond. This was what she’d been afraid of. Talking about the reason she’d come back was the last thing she wanted to do. She wished she could just disappear.

“Was it while you were with the Doctor? Did something go wrong?”

She closed her eyes, willing the tears not to come. She’d cried so many, it seemed impossible there were more.

“Is the Doctor all right?”

She nodded, keeping her eyes squeezed shut. 

“What was it?”

She shook her head. “I can’t tell you.” She said, barely above a whisper. She’d never told anyone what happened, as much as she wanted to. They wouldn’t have believed her. Ryan was one of the few that would not only believe her, but understand. 

“Why not?”

“You’re better off.” 

“But you’re not. Sonya told me you came home one day and you were just broken. That you’d quit the the police without telling them. And you wouldn’t tell them where you’d been. Guessing it was something they couldn’t know about?”

She nodded, feeling the tears slide down her cheeks. 

Ryan looked again towards the kitchen door. The clattering of dishes had stopped, but Sonya hadn’t returned. Yaz guessed this had been the plan all along, invite Ryan over to talk to her, specifically. 

She opened her eyes. Ryan was focused on her, brows furrowed in confusion and worry.

“Are you sure you want to hear about this?”

Ryan nodded. She drew a deep breath, and in shuddering, “It was hard for her, after you and Graham left. She kept asking me over and over, making sure I didn’t want to leave. You remember how sad she looked, every time she dropped us off. And I didn’t, then.“

She told Ryan the full story, the first time she’d told anyone, of what had happened seven years earlier.

—  
Yaz sat in a white plastic gown, scraping a piece of jagged rock across the concrete floor. The cells were made of stone, and this piece had gotten loose from the wall. It was in an oblong shape, attenuated at one end. She’d been running it along the floor, trying to sharpen it into a crude blade. She’d already tested it, slicing open a piece of skin hidden under one of the many bandages covering her limbs.

She’d been captured when she and the Doctor had been investigating mysterious disappearances from a human colony. There were other people here-she could hear their screams through the door sometimes-but she was alone in the cell. Her only contact with others was meals through a slot in the door and occasionally being whisked away for experiments by husky, armed guards. She didn’t know exactly what they were for; she only knew needles being jabbed into her shoulder, and waking up in her cell with bruises, cuts or marks. She was certain there was some sort of drug testing involved, based on her reactions. After a session, she’d lay on her cot all day sometimes, or she’d be restless, itching to move about. 

The only other person she’d met while in this stone prison was Dr. Fell. A large man had a prominent brow and a cruel smile. He joked around with the other guards while he was working, but he’d never addressed her. She wasn’t a person to him, she was an object, a thing to be played with.

At first she’d been scared, but not overly worried; the Doctor would save her. But as the endless cycle of meals and experiments went on, her hope had waned. She’d lost track of the days she’d been there. Where was the Doctor? How dare she leave her here for months! Had she been captured as well, in one of the long rows of cells she’d seen while dragged to another torture session? Or maybe the Doctor didn’t care enough to rescue her. Old feelings of worthlessness crept through her. She was a giant lab rat, she was nothing. Through a haze of drugs and hunger, she tried to think of what the Doctor would do. But she was not as clever or resourceful as the Doctor, and had to resort to extreme measures. This crude knife was the best escape plan she could devise.

She heard heavy footsteps in the hall, stopping by her door. It was time for the guard to take her for her next guinea pig session. She stood on shaky legs, positioning herself next to the entrance. She’d been kitten-weak and docile the last few sessions, and she was counting on taking him by surprise. 

The door swung open, and she’d stabbed him in the neck. She still remembered the hot blood spurting on her hands as she snatched the gun out of his surprised hands as he fell to the floor. She’d run through the halls, shooting anything that moved. She barely even noticed her feet stinging on the concrete ground, or the ache in her arms from carrying the heavy firearm. She hated every captor, everyone involved with these horrible experiments, and they would all feel her fury. She’d reached the main laboratory, and came face to face with Dr. Fell, the head scientist. Before he could say anything, she fired the gun, shooting him point blank at his chest. He’d crumpled to the floor. She stood over him in disbelief, breath coming in large gasps, as if she’d been drowning. 

She saw a shadow out of the corner of her eye and aimed the gun, ready to fire. “Don’t move!” she shouted.

“Yaz?! It’s me!” the Doctor’s voice, high and panicky

Yaz’s shoulders relaxed. The Doctor, here at last. Relief flooded through her, tinged with anger. “Where have you been?!” she shouted. At the last moment, she threw the gun to the ground, letting it clatter to the floor.

The Doctor rushed into the control room. Her mouth formed an O when she saw Dr. Fell sprawled out on the floor. “Not easy to get here. TARDIS couldn’t get a signal, way underground.” She crouched down, feeling for a nonexistent pulse. She looked up at Yaz. “What did you do?”

“Stopped him from hurting anyone ever again.” She spat out, her eyes narrowing. “What took so long? I’ve been here for months!”

“Months? It’s been ten days.” She dropped the man’s wrist, not taking her eyes off at Yaz. “Are you hurt?” A small smile played on her lips, a look Yaz couldn’t recognize. She wanted to scream at this daft woman. Yes, she was hurt. From the dark purple-yellow blotches on her legs to the deepest parts of her soul, everything hurt. But she knew that wasn’t the question the Doctor was asking. 

She pulled up the bottom of her gown, showing the Doctor her bandaged calves. “This is the worst of it.”

The Time Lord perused them, then gave a curt nod. “Let’s rescue the others. Show me where they are.” Without missing a beat, she’d taken off down the corridor, pulling Yaz behind her, without so much as a comforting word.

As they opened the cells, her fellow captives greeted Yaz and the Doctor with disbelief mixed with cautious reassurance. Yaz couldn’t even look at the Doctor. She knew the Time Lord’s position on guns, and now, she felt terrible about what she’d done. If she’d hung on a little longer, she would have been rescued.

After they’d gotten everyone to the surface, the Doctor gave Yaz a scan with the sonic. “No permanent tissue damage. I’ve got a salve that will take care of the lacerations.” She was businesslike, matter of fact. Yaz thought she saw a hint of disappointment. “About what happened…”

Yaz cut her off. She wasn’t in the mood for lectures. “They did terrible experiments on all of us. Poked and prodded and played with. Filled with drugs. Somebody needed to stop him.” She said accusingly. 

The Doctor didn’t meet her eyes. She seemed far away, lost in thought. “I know.”

Yaz waited for her to say something else, but instead she walked out of the console room to the infirmary, coat billowing behind her. 

—  
She was looking outside to the darkened sky. “We kept going after that, for a bit, but it wasn’t the same. She made sure to take me to the safest planets, and pretended she was showing me something really interesting, and I pretended to like them. After a while, I couldn’t do it anymore. I told her to take me home.” 

Ryan, who had been listening in rapt attention, spoke for the first time. “Yaz, that’s terrible. I’m sorry.”

“The thing is, when she saw Dr. Fell was dead, she didn’t look angry. She looked relieved. At the time I thought she was relieved to see me. But the more I think about it, I think she was relieved she didn’t have to kill him herself.” She paused, looking back at him. “Remember that woman we met, Ace? The one who used to travel with the Doctor?”

“Yeah. Don’t think I’d forget getting captured by horse people.” He chuckled.

She grimaced, thinking of when she’d called Ace a terrorist.“She used those all the time when she was with the Doctor. Told me about all the times she-or he, I guess-was fine with other people using violence on his behalf. I didn’t want to hear it then, not really. I thought maybe she’d changed since she’d known Ace, that she wasn’t like that any more. That day, the day I broke out of the cell, was the first time I believed it.”

To her surprise, Ryan seemed unfazed. “I knew she was like that. Ace gave me those explosive spheres, remember? Pretty sure the Doctor knew she did, too. She never played by her own rules, no matter how much shit she gave us for it. Remember when she let that bloke Charlie get blown up? Or when she destroyed the scorpion lady’s ship?” 

She bit her lip. “Didn’t even notice it at the time. Was too caught up in everything. Suppose that sounds daft.”

“Nah. I think you were to in awe of the Doctor to see her clearly.” They were both quiet for a moment. Then he asked, “So what happened when you came home?”

“Nothing good,” she said. “Came home and shut myself in my room, til Mum wouldn’t let me anymore. Couldn’t go back to the police. Tried a whole bunch of things. Florist, secretary, landscaping…sacked from every one of them. Mum tried hiring me at the hotel she works at, but I got sacked from there too. Everything would start out fine, and I’d see something that reminded me of that laboratory, or my cell, and I’d start panicking. Or sometimes it’d happen for no reason at all. And after that, I had a hard time going back.” She buried her face in her hands. “Been at ASDA for fourteen months. The longest I’ve had any job since.”

“Have you talked to anyone about it?”

She threw up her hands. “Who was I going to tell? If I told the truth, they’d put me in a psych ward.” She was aware she hadn’t see Sonya in a while, and hoped she wasn’t listening. “Mum and Dad made me go to a psychiatrist. Spent months in a fog of drugs, and I don’t want any more. Reminded me of what happened back there. Besides, what happened was at least partly my fault. I killed those men, and I have to live with it. She warned us, we wouldn’t come back the same people we were. Didn’t expect to come back a murderer.”

Ryan shook his head. “You’re not a murderer. You fought back against an evil man. They were holding you captive, and you were desperate. Don’t blame yourself.”

She’d tried to tell herself that many times, but somehow, coming from Ryan, they carried more weight. She brushed a stray tear from her cheek, only nodding in response.

“Have you heard from her at all?” he asked.

“No. Have you?”

“Me neither.” He looked out the window himself, not staring into nothingness, but at the sky. “Think she’s still out there?”

“Probably. Maybe she’s found some new humans.” She couldn’t keep the bitterness out of her voice. “Almost feel like we should warn them.”

“Think they’d listen?” Ryan raised an eyebrow. “Would we have listened?”

She thought back to her 19 year old self. Eager, naive, and looking for adventure. “No.” And in a way, she didn’t entirely regret the whole experience either. The Doctor was like the sun, like the stars. Ancient and brilliant. Pulling everyone in, as if she had her own gravitational field But get too close, stand in her presence long enough, and it was inevitable to get burned.

“Me neither.” He stood up. “Think Sonya abandoned us. Can I give you a lift home?”

She smiled, for the first time she walked in. “Sure.”


End file.
